


Goodbye Stranger It's Been Nice

by wattpads_songbird



Series: Badass Cinnamon Roll Angel Cake (2015) [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 8.17, 8x17, Canon verse, Cas Appreciation Week (2015), Goodbye Stranger, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Prologue for 8x17, Purgatory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-07 02:46:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4246509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wattpads_songbird/pseuds/wattpads_songbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Finally. You’re ready.” </p><p>He wasn’t, in fact, ready. He would never be ready.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye Stranger It's Been Nice

**Author's Note:**

> A Tumblr movement to appreciate everyone's favorite "badass cinnamon roll angel cake".
> 
>  

July 6 | Cas Appreciation Week | Favorite Episode | 8.17 Goodbye Stranger

He didn’t know how he got there. The last thing he remembered was fighting off the Leviathans and a blinding flash of light. When his eyes finally adjusted, he saw he was in a white room. The brightness of the room was dizzying. He stumbled back into a wall and sunk to the floor. Taking a deep breath, he tried to regain his composure so he could assess the situation. He could see doors littered the walls around him, and that there were rows of pillars painted half yellow. A warehouse? His eyebrows knitted in confusion. How was he here? Who, or what, had brought him back?

“Cas?” 

Castiel’s head whipped to his right. He scrambled to his feet before rushing over to the one person whom he had been desperately missing. Wrapping his arms around Dean’s waist, Cas hugged him tightly. His grace warmed as Dean hugged him back.

“It’s good to see you, buddy,” Dean said softly. 

A shrill ringing filled Castiel’s head. He felt himself pull away from Dean when all he wanted to do was stay his arms. He tried to move his hand, but nothing happened. Dean was frantically saying something, but Cas couldn’t hear a thing over the ringing. Without Castiel’s permission, his angel blade was suddenly in his hand. 

Cas was screaming, but his vessel didn’t utter a sound. The ringing was becoming more intense, the frequency rising. Dean was so close to him now that he could easily read the hunter’s lips. “Snap out of it!” he said, his green eyes wide with worry. 

The fingers of his vessel curled tighter around his blade. Cas felt the muscles of his arm tensing as he was beginning to raise his arm. He screamed and fought against himself. He would _not_ hurt Dean. He would _not_ hurt one of the only things he held dear. He would _not_ betray him again. 

“No!” Castiel roared, and this time, it worked. The lights in the room crackled and reined showers of sparks. The ringing promptly stopped. He dropped his blade. Dean disappeared. 

Taking a breath on his own accord, Cas backed into the corner once more before sinking to the ground. He brought his knees up to his chest and cradled his right hand. He curled his fingers into his palm, straightened them, and then repeated the gesture. 

The darkness was welcomed, considering the pounding in his temples. Cas came to a realization then: this place must’ve been his Hell. He held his throbbing head in his hands. His penance hadn’t been enough for him to be forgiven of his sins, and he knew he deserved this.

Trying to keep track of time was futile, so when the lights all buzzed back to life, Cas didn’t know how much time had passed. He slowly raised his head and saw a fellow angel walking towards him. 

“Castiel,” she said with a nod.

Once he was on his feet, he replied, “Naomi.”

She studied him for a long moment before saying, “I assume that you have questions.”

“You’d be correct in your assumption.” 

“Something has happened to you,” Naomi began, “a...malfunction so to say.” Cas narrowed his eyes, but Naomi continued, “It’s not too late, though. It’s reversible. This place-” she gestured around her “-will heal what is broken.” 

“I almost killed Dean,” Cas said lowly.

Naomi blinked. “Of course. That was— _is_ —the objective.”

Anger was boiling just beneath Cas’ skin. “Killing him will _heal_ me?”

Taking a step closer, Naomi said, “Don’t you see? He is the root of all your sins. You’ll be forgiven once—”

She was cut short as Castiel slammed her against one of the pillars. “I have committed many sins, but none of them, _none_ of them, are Dean’s fault. I made those choices, and Dean will not suffer because of them. I will not hurt Dean.”

Naomi’s eyes narrowed. “You will think differently soon enough.” 

“I will never see Dean as anything less than what he is: righteous.”

⇄

This was number seventy-nine, and he had finally done it. He hadn’t been strong enough. Castiel’s whole body shook with grief. He was bent over Dean’s now still body, clutching his hand tightly within his own. “I’m sorry,” he muttered on broken repeat. His grace was growing cold.

Dean’s last breath played in his ears. That escape of breath before the stillness. It was worse than anything Cas had ever heard, and he had caused it. Cas’ eyes flickered to his blade that lay to his side, and he knew what he had to do. 

“Stop him!” Naomi’s voice rang. 

Castiel lunged for the blade, but his arms were soon caught. He fought against who was ever holding him. In the distance, he heard something about a ‘drastic emotional response’.

⇄

Dean looked up at him, his face bloody. “Cas, I love you.”

Number one hundred two. Cas’ breath hitched. The ringing intensified. His blade slipped from his fingers, and he quickly knelt down by Dean. Pressing his hand to Dean’s cheek, Castiel quickly healed him. Not a second passed before Dean suddenly slouched onto Cas’ shoulder. 

“Dean?” Cas asked in vain, pushing him away slightly. His grace pulsed under his palm, trying to find something to heal.

Castiel glanced up to find Naomi staring down at him. He glared daggers at her over Dean’s shoulder. She took a white cloth out of her pocket and wiped it down the length of her blade, staining it crimson. 

“See, it’s not so hard,” she said.

As she retreated, Castiel’s fingers wrapped around his blade. He threw it with all the strength he had. Naomi sidestepped, and it instead sadly sunk into the wall. She turned and shook her head before disappearing behind a door. 

It was then Cas finally broke down. He screamed, sobbed, and held Dean close. Angels weren’t capable of love, but Castiel was sure this was what heartbreak felt like. His heart was millions of small shards, ripping him up from the inside out. Heartbreak couldn’t exist without love, just as hot couldn’t exist without cold, therefore, Castiel deemed himself capable.

Cas buried his nose in Dean’s neck, taking in the familiar scent of leather. He then muttered with a broken breath, “I love you.”

His grace grew colder yet.

⇄

Castiel kicked at one of the doors. He couldn’t stay here any longer. He was going mad. One hundred thirty-three Deans was enough. He wanted the real Dean. He needed the real Dean. Cas was afraid he wouldn’t be strong enough to make it out of this room being anything that resembled himself.

“I know you’re an angel and all, but I still think you’re going to break a bone kicking at that door.” 

Castiel slowly turned around and was met with green eyes. “Dean, go away.” 

Dean frowned. “Cas, what’s wrong?” He inched forward. “C’mon, talk to me.”

“You’re not real,” Cas whispered. 

Dean laughed an all too familiar laugh. It made Cas ache. He hadn’t heard that in so long. “Cas, really?” Castiel stared at Dean who huffed in response, “If I’m not real, explain this.” He leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Castiel’s lips. For the first time since the first Dean, a tad bit of warmth came to Cas’ grace.

It was slow and sweet, and Castiel had absolutely no idea what to think. Dean took steps closer, gently pushing Cas backwards until his back hit the wall. Castiel shyly started to kiss Dean back, his grace climbing in temperature. 

The light above them broke and engulfed them in sparks. That pulled Cas back to reality. He quickly squirmed out of Dean’s grasp and sprinted to the opposite side of the warehouse where he curled himself into a ball and muttered broken sentences of ‘not real’ and ‘Dean’s alive’ while every so often brushing his fingers against his bottom lip.

⇄

“It’s all right, _Castiel_ ,” Dean snarled, spitting blood off to his right. “It’s all right because I never cared about you. You’re just being what you are: a weapon.” With that, Dean’s head lolled to the side.

Cas stared down at Dean’s body. Number seven hundred sixty-four. The temperature of Cas’ grace plummeted to that of Hell. Castiel’s gaze dropped down to his hands. He wouldn’t be a weapon. Not now, not ever, because he wasn’t going to even risk the chance. 

He grabbed his blade and whipped around. An angel was already there. He swung his blade, making a gash down the angel’s arm. 

Castiel was quickly surrounded. He turned the blade to where his own heart would be, if he even still had one. 

It took four other angels to stop him from completing his task.

⇄

“Cas, please,” Dean whispers. The words are only met with dead blue eyes. Castiel brings down his blade with no hesitation.

His grace is now colder than Hell, numbing him from his core out. Castiel no longer feels anything. He’s fixed. The malfunction has been coded out of his grace after one thousand two hundred one tries. 

“Finally. You’re ready.”

He wasn’t, in fact, ready. He would never be ready. When it comes down to it, the righteous man utters an ‘I need you’, and Castiel hears ‘I love you’. His grace suddenly burns so hot it cuts all connections with Heaven. 

God doesn’t make mistakes. He never has. He never will. That malfunction—that crack in his chassis—was expertly carved into Castiel with his own hands. It’s Castiel’s mark of love for humanity and, of course, the righteous man.

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](http://magnificat-cas.tumblr.com/)
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> [Tag](https://www.tumblr.com/search/casappreciationweek)


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